|
FML
May 25, 2009 20:54:57 GMT -5
Post by AhkneeKitteen on May 25, 2009 20:54:57 GMT -5
^ ... that last one ... oh, dear god ... ahahahaha!!
|
|
|
FML
May 25, 2009 22:14:33 GMT -5
Post by Sovereign on May 25, 2009 22:14:33 GMT -5
^ U DUBBLE POSTZ I KEEL U!!!!!!@# And, ew. That was...sick. ):
|
|
|
FML
May 25, 2009 23:31:30 GMT -5
Post by AhkneeKitteen on May 25, 2009 23:31:30 GMT -5
*rids the world of zee double post*
Damn connection :[
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
FML
May 26, 2009 16:41:15 GMT -5
Post by Deleted on May 26, 2009 16:41:15 GMT -5
Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. Attempting to make things a little more exciting, I said in my sexiest voice "oh yeah, harder." My boyfriend who apparently doesn't like talking dirty, pulled out and angrily said "I was trying, what more do you want?" FML
Today, was my music recital. I was playing and sneezed really loud into my saxophone which made the mouthpiece blurt out of my mouth. I have a neck strap and as the saxophone came back towards me the mouthpiece hit me in the head. I knocked myself out in front of the audience. FML
Today, I was teaching my Chinese students spoken English when they got into a heated argument. When I finally got their attention, I told them to continue the argument in English. They were arguing over my bra size. They are all female teenagers. They then asked me to show them my bra. FML
|
|
|
FML
May 26, 2009 18:35:14 GMT -5
Post by AhkneeKitteen on May 26, 2009 18:35:14 GMT -5
Those were all so funny I kneeslapped, ohoho.
That first one, however, was the best.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
FML
May 27, 2009 16:47:51 GMT -5
Post by Deleted on May 27, 2009 16:47:51 GMT -5
I don't know. I think the last one was really funny. Only because something similar happened in my Spanish class. Guys were talking about their dicks, our teacher said they either talk in Spanish or STFU. They took a dictionary, looked up how to say "penis", and proceeded with their conversation.
|
|
|
FML
May 27, 2009 16:49:43 GMT -5
Post by Serenity on May 27, 2009 16:49:43 GMT -5
^ That sounds like something some of the people I know should have done..
Those are funny, especially the last one! xD
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
FML
May 27, 2009 17:23:26 GMT -5
Post by Deleted on May 27, 2009 17:23:26 GMT -5
Today, I dreamed that I met this beautiful girl at a restaurant and we ended up having lunch together. Everything was going perfect until the end when I tried to get her number and she wouldn't give it to me. I can't even get a girl in my dreams. FML
Today, me and my girlfriend were heading back to her place. On the way there, she was rubbing and stroking me. When we got there, I asked her mom for a congrats hug. I forgot I had a hard on from my girlfriend. She felt it. FML
Today, I went to the Verizon because my phone was broken. It hadn't rang in 3 weeks. I hadn't gotten any text messages either. So, I got to the store they check out my phone. They told me that there was absolutely nothing wrong with my phone. No one had called me in 3 weeks. Then they charged me $30. FML
|
|
|
FML
May 28, 2009 0:49:38 GMT -5
Post by AhkneeKitteen on May 28, 2009 0:49:38 GMT -5
That first one was sad, that last one was depressing. The middle one? That's embarassing.
|
|
|
FML
May 28, 2009 10:53:25 GMT -5
Post by Sovereign on May 28, 2009 10:53:25 GMT -5
I should totally post my "I GOT WALKED IN ON BY BF'S DAD OH GOD" story. ):
|
|
|
FML
May 28, 2009 16:19:59 GMT -5
Post by AhkneeKitteen on May 28, 2009 16:19:59 GMT -5
DOOOO ITTTTT.
*peer pressure*
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
FML
May 28, 2009 20:46:01 GMT -5
Post by Deleted on May 28, 2009 20:46:01 GMT -5
Now that's a funny story. Post it here then as proof. (Yes, I know we have the thread, but who cares?)
Today, it was my friend's birthday. She's been having problems with most of her friends besides me lately, so I wanted to do something special. I brought her a cake. Me and her were the only ones to have any. It gave us both food poisoning. FML (What rotten luck!)
Today, I was looking at the skeleton of a human male that we have in out biology classroom. I picked up the hand to examine the bones in the finger, and had the sudden realization that this is the only time that I have held hands with a boy. I'm a junior in college. FML (Morbidly funny)
Today, I was getting my first tattoo done. My parents told me it was a bad idea. My friends' parents told me it was a bad idea. I told them that people get tattoos done all the time and nothing goes wrong. 50 min into the tattoo on my back, the artist says "Oh shit, shit, shit. We can fix this." FML (Thaaaat's not something I want to hear!)
Bonus! Too funny not to put in!
Today I was shaving my balls with a blade razor because my electric trimmer had died and I had a big date with the girl of my dreams. I moved too quickly and accidentally knicked a vein in my scrotum. I had to hold gauze over my balls until the paramedics arrived. FML
|
|
|
FML
May 28, 2009 22:23:21 GMT -5
Post by Sovereign on May 28, 2009 22:23:21 GMT -5
^ OMG @ THAT BALL ONE!
|
|
|
FML
May 28, 2009 23:31:30 GMT -5
Post by AhkneeKitteen on May 28, 2009 23:31:30 GMT -5
... that's a fail so epic, it almost reached the point of being a win.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
FML
May 31, 2009 12:30:29 GMT -5
Post by Deleted on May 31, 2009 12:30:29 GMT -5
"So bad it's funny" epic win? Awesome.
Today, I turned 22. Instead of cutting my own cake, I stood by and smiled at a friend's belated birthday party. She celebrated her birthday two months ago. She decided to have her party on my birthday. No one remembered mine but everyone got her beautiful gifts. FML
Today, I was walking the beach and I saw my crush walking towards me. I was thinking about what I was going to do while playing with my top that ties in the front. I decided that I was just going to smile. When we got closer to each other I smiled and waved as I put my hand up it untied my top. FML
Today, I was driving to the local market with my son. We approached a vehicle that looked just like my fiance's. My son peered out his window and said, "Mommy, daddy's getting kidnapped!" It seems he was being 'kidnapped' by his new girlfriend. FML
BONUS: Today, I was partnered with this really sexy guy for an audition. He says, "Am I really stuck with you? I can't even stand being seen with you in public!" I start cursing him out really loud, but then I realize that he's only reading the script. Everyone was staring, and he called me a crazy bitch. FML
|
|