I'm in a relatively good mood since I have an amazing job prospect tomorrow, but I have a feeling this book will ruin it.
Where the fuck was I? Oh, right.
Page 81-120
because I'm a slacker and I need to play catchup! Fuck.
We left off with some creepy cloak-wearing freaks threatening Riley and "
her." They've left at this point, thankfully, and "she" starts freaking out (I'm too lazy to italicize her name at this point. Should I just refer to her by name since we all know who it is? Whatever. I am). Victoria flips her shit and orders Riley to get everyone ready to go since this five-day time limit has been placed upon her. Diego decides to confront Riley alone about the whole "we're disco balls" problem while Bree books it back to base.
... oh, and they kiss before parting but no one gives a fuck about that. Seriously Smeyer, here is my bone with you about your whole thing of vampires kissing: the entire part of being able to kiss is your lips being able to mold against another's. If it's one set of funkyass rock pressing against another then it doesn't really work because the lips won't
fit. Understand? If there's no give, there's no way to properly kiss. LOOK AT PEOPLE KISSING. THEIR LIPS MOLD TO EACH OTHER'S.
Sorry, tangent there. I should've blahblah'd about that when it was brought up earlier, my bad.
Bree arrives to smell another vampire toasting away (mmm, vampitoast. What would that taste like?) and takes shelter near Fred, who is reading one of the books she left at the end of the couch for him. What a sweetie. She describes him as being not that bad to look at because for some reason she's able to look past that constant "ew" barrier surrounding him now. So he's pretty. Yay. She wonders if anyone else has noticed this little tidbit. Kevin (you remember him, right? He's not that important, really) glances over her way but fails because Freddy's still got his barrier shit up and he's all grinning to himself like "ohoho, look at mah skillz in blocking dem assholes out."
Seriously Smeyer, what was the point of describing him to us? I. don't.
care.
Bree is just as bad as Bella when it comes to acting muy natural and finally realizes she should be reading like she normally does. She figures she read the same book yesterday, which I don't really get because she wasn't even paying a bit of attention to anything besides Diego so ... yeah.
... where the hell was I going with that I had to yell at my puppy for noming shit. Oh right. Bree starts putting her brain to use and concludes: 1) there are vamp police 2) her group is an illegal army according to these po-pos and 3) Victoria has two sets of enemies consisting of the cloaked vamps and some unknown group. She also realizes through some brilliant power of deduction that Riley must not know that they don't combust when exposed to sunlight since he had stated how happy he was he didn't lose two to DA POWER OF DA SUN MON. Bree then wonders why Victoria would leave out such a crucial detail to Riley.
Bree finds this oddly scary for some reason and figures that if she could still sweat she'd be doing it right ... wait. Smeyer, your vampires don't sweat. Then how the fuck are they emitting all these goddamn pheromones to help attract prey? The primary way humans emit pheromones (assuming we have them, of course, since some scientists are all like "lolz what are you talking 'bout only lesser creatures have dat shit") would be via sweat - studies showing that lots of it comes from your pits, go figure.
... fuck you, Smeyer. Go back to biology and learn a little before you try this shit on me. I haven't had a fucking science class since junior year and somehow I still remember this shit. I know it may be a bit longer for you, but it's called the internet and we have these awesome things called Google and Wikipedia which, when employed right, can be great resources for research.
Who the fuck gave this woman a degree I swear to god ... oh, right, her college was some batshit place living up to hardcore Mormon values, how could I not know this fffttt.
Bree continues to ponder if Riley was deceived about this sun shit truly or if finding out about it meant a permaban from (un)life by his hands. She begins to realize not having Diego there to talk this through with makes it a lot harder. I interpret this as "Bree is a dumbfuck when Diego's not there to place everything before her stupid brain." Girl, you don't need anyone else to think. All you need to think is a brain. Hey, ever heard of these things called pencil and paper? That really helps the thinking process when you write down what you're trying to work through, and it's kinda like talking with someone else but without feedback and interruptions.
She starts to try and rationalize things. If the vamps here weren't threatened by the painful burning then they'd probably never come back again. They'd just go on feeding and feeding and feeding like little black holes. Yeah. She also thinks gosh, this sort of thing would only be thought about ... where was I. GODDAMMIT SISTER YOU MADE ME LOSE WHAT I WAS THINKING. Oh, right. Would only be thought about by vampires that aren't blood-driven newborns. Bree, you're three months old. You're still as newborn as the best of them and, really, according to Smeyer you should still be an untamed little beast.
Bree realizes that she doesn't want to stick around for the after part of the big battle Victoria is setting them up for. Why should she? There's nothing tying her down now. She ponders if some vampires could strike it out across the ocean by swimming. Good luck there, I think you might get destroyed by a pack of bottlenose dolphin before you break the coast. THEY'LL GANGBANG YOU, I'M NOT LYING. And if that doesn't get you, beware them killer whales - they'll eat you /srsface
And thus, she wonders: would Diego have run with her if she'd come to this thought the other night?
But… would Diego have agreed? I was abruptly not so sure
of myself. Was Diego more loyal to Riley after all? Would he
have felt it was his responsibility to stand by Riley? He’d known
Riley a lot longer—he’d really only known me a day. Was he
closer to Riley than he was to me?
Yes. He is closer to Riley. I've already decided he's gay, as have several other people who've read this shit. Oh, and in my brain he bottoms. That is all.
Bree starts to wonder if the other vampires who'd been "lost to the sun" had come to this realization and that was why they were gone. Hmm, you never know. I mean, you newborns are supposed to be a little retarded, yannow? Still, she hopes Diego will agree with her to run away when she next talks to him.
Oh, and then she gets the awesome mental image of all the other vamps rampaging in the center of town and causing all chaos and fucking shit up while glittering like some crazy 80's rave. Fuck yeah, that would actually be kinda hardcore and I would pay to see that. Is this getting made into a movie? Because I'd want to see that as like, an actual scene that they put in for her imagination. That would be so fucking rad.
Anyway, she realizes why it was a good idea to keep their glittering down low and tries to decipher this chain of logic even more ... wait. This doesn't really require that much hardcore thinking, girl. It's not even close to rocket science. I'm no Izaya Orihara, but I can decipher the intentions here pretty easily and you're not even humans. Ha! Take that! I'm better than Izaya because I can ... aww fuck it, this is Smeyer writing it doesn't require a brain to figure out.
This reminds me, Durarara!! is almost over with and I'm sad about it. SHIZUO, YOU BETTER NOT BE DEAD. ALSO, WHY WAS I NOT GIVEN VORONA SHE'S HARDCORE SEXY BBY unf. You guys, go watch this series. It is just amazing. If not this, then Baccano! is good too. I mean, my god. There is some gore in there and I'm like "bby yes can I get some guro fanart for this?"
... oh, right, review. Ahaha. Well, she starts thinking more and more about why vamps stay secret (it ... I'm really not so sure about the fact that some people wouldn't have seen something, you know; the chances aren't that low, guys). She somehow gets this all back to Diego and worries hardcore about him now because gosh, what if those two that had recently been lost to the sun had figured out the sparkling thing and talked to Riley about it? We get another infamous time jump because dawn is approaching. Hey, you take a long time to think, Bree. My brain works faster than that, y'know?
Raoul storms in, and since he stays out until absolutely necessary to return, Bree realizes it's really REALLY close to dawn. Oh fuck where's the two boys? Right, they're off
having hardcore vampire sex probably trying to prove that the sparkly does happen.
O .. okay, wait. Contradiction here. What the fuck, Smeyer? You stated before that the gang consists of 22. Here is what I just read:
Kristie showed up minutes later with three of her gang. She
reacted indifferently to the pile of ashes. I did a quick head
count as two more hunters hurried through the door. Twenty
vampires. Everyone was home except Diego and Riley. The
sun would rise at any moment.
One vamp got toasted so that would narrow your count to 21. I'm sorry that you suck so hard, Meyer.
Riley takes this time to return without any Diego anywhere to be seen. He looks at the ashes on the floor and goes raging Hulk on everyone. Huh, guess he didn't get laid. After smashing up a couple of things he grabs up Raoul who pisses himself with fear before getting flung through a wall. Kevin gets a hand ripped off, followed by the entire arm. He tries to take the unnamed blond boy (who I shall deem Peter Parker due to his excellent Spiderman impression), but fails as he dodges away towards Fred. Some kid named Dean gets smashed into the entertainment center and some Sara girl gets to forever imitate van Gogh (she also gets a bit of hair ripped off, haha).
The various vampires start to band together defensively against
the Hulk Riley, who decides to take a deep breath and chill the fuck out. He tosses Sara back her ear and hair and she reattaches the ear but sadly, she will have a bald spot forever. Hahahaha. Anyway, he starts to talk and says everyone's gonna die so they all better pay some fucking attention now and start using their brans because this is SRS BUSINESS. He appoints leaders in Kevin and Jen. Bree keeps mentioning that the door Riley entered through isn't opening.
Riley starts psyching the gang up by explaining that there used to be some vamps all up in the area that left, leaving this gang to take over, and now this old group wants their territory back so IT'S GANG WAR TIME FUCK YEAH. It pretty much boils down to a situation of "it's us or them." Their best bet, he explains, is
unity because they have the bigger numbers and have the strength of newborns. He sets the ambush deadline at four days, and reassures the group that they'll only be seven enemies facing off against them.
Pffft, tards. Don't you know that you're the bad guys in this universe? Be more genre savvy, plz.
Riley goes on to explain about dem special skills vampires have - pointing at you, Freddy boy - and how they're rare ... GOD DAMMIT.
SMEYER, YOU FREAKING FAIL AT KEEPING YOUR OWN UNIVERSE CONSISTENT.
FUCK YOU.
1:50 ratio, he says. THEN EXPLAIN THE FUCK TO ME HOW WE HAVE THE MOTHERFUCKING CULLENS AND VOLTURI AND JAMES'S GROUP AND SHIT LIKE THAT. YOU FUCKING FUCK.
Riley goes on to explain that since there's a mind-reader in the enemy flanks, Victoria's identity was kept a secret from them all to keep them from being associated with her and thus increase their chances of survival should they have encountered one of the Cullens. Bree thinks that the secrecy was more protection for her than them. Riley ups the ante by saying that once the enemy's out of the picture, they will have reign over the city and it'll just be all delicious blood for everyone whenever.
I don't know why the group has to growl and snarl instead of clapping their hands to show how joyful of a thing this is, but whatever. Must be less effort to work them vocal chords than to lift up dem arms and be all *clap clap clap*.
Bree finds this all to sound like a shitload of lies because it contradicts the logic she was coming up with earlier. Chica, things don't need to fit along your lines of thinking to be true. Just ... just no.
Riley threatens dismemberment by Victoria if they don't listen to him about how to fight, which is apparently made all the more disconcerting because he's got this chilled look on his face while smiling just a wee bit. Whatever. He leaves Raoul and Kristie (who stepped up to the plate as leaders, I forgot to mention, whoops) to evenly divide up everyone. He then goes to Bree and, with some effort delivers a message from Diego. He takes her up to the first floor of the building to talk. He's then all "lol stupid you came upstairs when the sun's coming up." D'oh.
Riley sent Diego scouting ahead since he was the only one he could really trust. Anyway, the message from Diego sorta sounds like a promise to me:
“Sounded like nonsense to me. He said, ‘Tell Bree I’ve got
the handshake figured out. I’ll show her in four days, when we
meet up.’ I have no idea what that means. Do you?”
Riley's a smart bloke, there, because he figures out that Diego's got a thing for Bree. He advises her to give Riley a shot since she's trying to act indifferent here and all, then tells her to convince Fred to jump on board this plan.
... I fucking told you they were gay.
Anyway, the training commences over the day. Fred and Bree stand off the the side because Fred's cool like that and Bree's cowering in his shadow as she doesn't want to pick a side. She's using this more as time to plan an escape with Diego, though she's looking on to try and get what everyone's doing down pat.
Sorry girl, looking on and actually practicing are very different things. It's one thing to see it happening, but another thing entirely to execute it. When in a fight, you can't know how something is going to work until you've actually done it yourself. Sage advice from mi papa, here; he did used to be a bouncer and had to learn this shit.
Kevin ponders where Diego is and Riley brushes it off as him being with Victoria for surveillance.
TIME SKIP. Two days and three nights of straight-up training. During the day, training went on in the basement, while at night it happened outside. Riley did a good job keeping the actual fighting down to a minimum and did lots of limb-returning during the brawls. He also reinforces "watch your back, don't go at him/her head-on." Fred apparently found this really ridiculous and boring and, ten hours into the whole training, broke out some cards and started to play solitaire, fuck yeah. This dude, I like him. After Bree points out a card to him, he deals out the cards for rummy instead and they have fun with that.
Third night, Riley rounds everyone up and tells them to feed for strength. He proceeds to take everyone for a reward. Bree notes how focused the group is now and how much easier it is to be around them. They head for the ocean, Riley takes out the power to a ferry, and it's a free-for-all for the gang. Bree finds it mildly amusing how she and Fred have been trailing behind in companionable silence like an old married couple what.
Everyone gets more than their fill (Bree noting that she drank beyond her thirst, just for the taste of blood). I'm going to assume everyone got like five people each and it's really impossible to fit that much blood in any body, especially one that is unchanging and can't, you know, expand to hold shit.
Raoul is a badass and has his own hill of dead bodies that he's sitting on, fuck yeah.
Bree heads back towards Fred, who's been eyeballing Riley. The fuck, Smeyer? Trying for the gay here?
They sink the boat and ... whoah. PAGE 120 HELLO THERE I'M QUITTING HERE.
I'm hungry and my dinner is now here it's past 9pm wtf. I'M EATING GOODBYE Y'ALL THIS TOOK ME LIKE TWO HOURS.