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FML
Jun 12, 2009 21:20:20 GMT -5
Post by Sovereign on Jun 12, 2009 21:20:20 GMT -5
The cafeteria one. >_>
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FML
Jun 13, 2009 13:15:04 GMT -5
Post by AhkneeKitteen on Jun 13, 2009 13:15:04 GMT -5
Yes, that actually made me giggle.
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FML
Jun 14, 2009 13:12:33 GMT -5
Post by Deleted on Jun 14, 2009 13:12:33 GMT -5
That was my second worst one.
Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to hear someone robbing my apartment. Panicked, I grabbed my cell and called 911. No one ever showed up, and now my living room is completely empty. I went down to the police station to complain and ended up getting thrown in jail for making a scene. FML
Today, my adorable 8 year old son told me he no longer wanted me to pick him up from school. When I asked why he said. "I told everyone at school my mommy is pretty... and I don't want people to know I lied". FML
Today, was my senior prom. I've had a crush on my date for months, but after many attempts at grinding with him and sexy seduction, he rejected me saying he was a good Catholic boy. I later found out that not only is he in touch with his religion, but intimately in touch with other boys. FML
Winner of Most Disgusting FML Yet Today, I went over to my boyfriends house with a few people. I drank too much wine and later when everyone else left I gave him head, deepthroating a little too enthusiastically, and puked all over his cock and bedsheets. Turns out, washing vomit out of your pubes kills the mood somewhat. FML
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FML
Jun 14, 2009 13:15:00 GMT -5
Post by Brianna (Galaxia_15) on Jun 14, 2009 13:15:00 GMT -5
LOL @ THE JESUS LOVES ME THING!! xD
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FML
Jun 14, 2009 13:17:56 GMT -5
Post by Deleted on Jun 14, 2009 13:17:56 GMT -5
Wow. That one's like, 2 pages back.
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FML
Jun 14, 2009 16:56:02 GMT -5
Post by Sovereign on Jun 14, 2009 16:56:02 GMT -5
OMG @ THE WINNING ONE. And yeah that Jesus loves me one was funny, but far back
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FML
Jun 14, 2009 23:07:26 GMT -5
Post by AhkneeKitteen on Jun 14, 2009 23:07:26 GMT -5
The one about senior prom was great xD Probably because that'd be my luck.
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FML
Jun 14, 2009 23:08:13 GMT -5
Post by Sovereign on Jun 14, 2009 23:08:13 GMT -5
Sigh @ religion. D:
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FML
Jun 16, 2009 19:38:59 GMT -5
Post by Deleted on Jun 16, 2009 19:38:59 GMT -5
Today, I let my on-again, off-again boyfriend spend the night. For months we had been fighting about his new flame. After he convinced me that they are no longer an item, we had the most mind-blowing sex then we fell asleep. I awoke to him moaning her name. Followed by pelvic thrusts. FML
Today, I facebooked my friends about my upcoming birthday party, and told them to keep the date free. I got several responses telling me that's not possible, because that's the day the new Harry Potter movie comes out. FML
Today, I got on my flight for my brother's graduation in Portland, Maine. Unable to find my mom in the airport, a stranger overheard my dilemma and informed me I was in Portland, Oregon. FML
Today, my toddler peed in his potty for the first time. He was so excited to show me that he flung the pot in the air dousing my face with his piss. Then he laughed. FML
Dual-Winners of the "This Would Totally Happen To Me" Award Today, I sprained my wrist playing Guitar Hero. The ER doctor called all of his coworkers in to hear my story. They all laughed. FML
Today, I was enjoying some much needed serenity while I ate lunch in an empty park. To my surprise, an older, clean cut man in a suit sits on the bench next to me. Without saying a word, he unleashes the most foul of farts I've ever witnessed, gets up, gives me a nod and leaves. FML
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FML
Jun 16, 2009 21:20:46 GMT -5
Post by AhkneeKitteen on Jun 16, 2009 21:20:46 GMT -5
Haha, that first one!
... and that last one! Hahaha, that'd be my luck.
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FML
Jun 17, 2009 19:43:04 GMT -5
Post by Deleted on Jun 17, 2009 19:43:04 GMT -5
Today, I asked my Swedish friend for some lines to impress this swedish girl I met at an expat party he took me to. I practised them all evening before I met her. I told her my feelings, and she scowled. Apparently I had wished the devil upon her - after asking if i could ejaculate on her face. FML
Today, I finished the run for a play in which I played a gay man. Now that all the performances are over, I have kissed a man more times in my life than I have kissed a woman. I'm straight. FML
Today, I gave a beautiful book of baby names to a friend of mine who's been trying to get pregnant for a while. She just burst into tears when she saw it. just before meeting me, she'd found out she was sterile. FML
Today, a real estate agent showed my house to some buyers. I found out when I exited the shower, fully nude, to them in the hallway. FML
Today, I was reading a book lying in my bed. I looked outside my window not to see the beautiful weather, but to see my creepy 70 year old neighbor staring at me with giant binaculars, then winks at me. I babysit his grandchildren this weekend, at his house. FML
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FML
Jun 18, 2009 14:02:52 GMT -5
Post by AhkneeKitteen on Jun 18, 2009 14:02:52 GMT -5
... oh gawd that last one is so a creeper old man.
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FML
Jun 18, 2009 17:32:32 GMT -5
Post by Deleted on Jun 18, 2009 17:32:32 GMT -5
Today, I decided to use fake tan, seeing as I am so pale. Everywhere I have been today, I have had children behind me. Singing the Oompa Loompa song. FML
Today, my girlfriend of ten months sent me a picture message of her making out with a guy. Under it, it read "you can pick your stuff up in the morning." FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me telling me I have problems communicating and that I didn't understand her. When I asked her why she didn't talk to me about this before she said "I didn't want to talk about it." FML
Today, we were having a school prize giving. I heard my name called and I walked up to the stage waving and smiling, feeling rather proud of myself. I stood by the microphone and started my acceptance speech, only to be tapped on the shoulder by the girl they actually called up. FML
Today, I saw myself in a 'girls gone wild' ad with another girl. So did my mom. FML
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FML
Jun 18, 2009 17:37:38 GMT -5
Post by Sovereign on Jun 18, 2009 17:37:38 GMT -5
I hate stories of exes sending pictures of themselves with other people. That's so fucked up. If anyone were to ever do that to me, I would somehow snag their parents' email(s) and forward the pictures to them.
Bonus points if they're naked pictures. Bwahahaha.
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FML
Jun 18, 2009 18:09:46 GMT -5
Post by Deleted on Jun 18, 2009 18:09:46 GMT -5
That's awesome, really. I've never had a vindictive ex like that, so I'm okay.
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